heavy nesting

Well, we’re less than 4 weeks to the due date, and I’m nesting hard!  I hope I don’t go into labor anytime soon because I’ve got some projects in the works.  The upstairs bathroom needs all manner of storage solutions/decorating, and our bedroom (where the new baby will sleep for a time) needs to be rid of a hideous border, needs curtains, and needs a pretty major rearrange to accommodate a small nursery in the corner.  I just got the supplies to get started on these major projects.  I hope they don’t prove too big.  I finally have the energy and my foot has finally healed enough that I am rerring to go! Tomorrow we go in for the first “weekly” appointment where my cervix will be checked for dilation and ripening and what-not.  So, tomorrow we’ll know a little more if I am being a little too ambitious…. 😉

In other news Sophia has been hilarious lately!  I’ve really been realizing how much she’s growing up, too.  Her language skills are on the verge of blowing up.  She’s just started rote repeating us and her verbal comprehension is freaking unbelievable.  She doesn’t have all the sounds to work with, so repeating us is pretty funny.  A few minutes ago I was working on putting a shelf together for the bathroom and getting frustrated as one does with nothing to work with but an allen wrench and sweaty palms… when I exclaimed emphatically, “Oh crap!”  Sophia, only inches away from my side, says, “Oh sap!”  Wow!  That was a first!  Better watch your mouth, Mommy! Good thing she’s not around when Mommy and Daddy are playing video games… 😉

A few days ago, she first verbalized the word “no.”  She’s been shaking her head no for at least a year, but this is the first time the sound “no” or anything sounding like it came out of her mouth.  And, she said it for the first time yelling it 6 times in a row when she didn’t want to do something.  Woah!  She never does anything half-way, I’m realizing.  Since then, we have heard “no” at the door when Daddy goes to work, “no” when I take something away from her, and “no” when I’m putting her diaper on.  Argh!  I could’ve done without that word for a while.

We’ve also noticed that she understand so, so much.  When Will and I have been talking about something, she has understood just enough to go get something that one of us has mentioned and bring it to us.  Will and I are talking about going somewhere, out to eat or something, she goes to the door, picks up my purse or my shoes… Will and I were talking about Christmas gift ideas and I said, “I should get a pencil and paper and make a list.”  She immediately goes and finds paper for me to write on.  Mind you, we are not talking to her. We were talking to each other. She’s off playing by herself… or so we thought!

Moral of the story: your children are listening.

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Feeling trapped at 8 a.m.

I’m having a bit of a breakdown this morning… For those of you that don’t know, I sprained my foot on Tuesday afternoon.  Leaving the pharmacy with antibiotics for my sick Sophia, on our way to the grocery store to pick up Gatorade and chicken soup for my dehydrated, vomiting husband, I tripped off the curb toward our car, saving my daughter from cracking her head open, but turning my foot into an unbelievable pretzel.  While Will was vomiting #45 and #46 of the day, I called a friend to go over and rouse him to be superman for me and come save me.  It was so unbelievably scary to sit crying uncontrollably, incapacitated on the curbside with a toddler wanting to run about.  It’s completely by the grace of God that Sophia was unharmed and Will was able to take me to the doctor.

After a day of getting used to being cripple and Will fully recovering from his migraine and dehydration, I’m off my thankful high that we’re all okay.  I’m still thankful, but today I’m depressed.  This occurred to me at a blessed 8 o’clock this morning after hearing my daughter crying and coughing in the next room for the 800th time of the night.  I’d slept horribly: at 30 weeks pregnant it’s hard to sleep anyway, but I’d tossed and turned with foot pain, back pain, and sinus congestion, and when I wasn’t awakened by one of these said maladies, I either needed to pee or heard my poor daughter calling out…  I laid awake at 8:00 having no idea what time it was, fully knowing that I couldn’t go get my daughter, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I’d have to wake up my husband.  My poor husband who’s been waiting on me hand and foot while recovering from his own day of hell, taking care of Sophia’s every need while working from home, and who-no doubt-woke with me numerous times in the night as I tossed and turned and moaned and whined and cried in pain for midnight bathroom trips.  It hit me at 8 o’clock this morning that the me that I’ve so much enjoyed lately–the doing, the serving, the going–was brought to a standstill.  My vocabulary, my thoughts, everything I think to say and do seems useless… and, I’m forced to ask someone else to do them for me.  I’m used to asking, “Do you need anything?  Can I get something for you?”  Now, it’s a thought that is met with sadness and grief and frustration.  I’m realizing today that I’m much more of a doer than I knew.  My role that I’ve grown to love and cherish and take on as part of me has (temporarily) disappeared.  If I felt “legitimately” sick, like temperature of 102 with body aches and vomiting, then it wouldn’t be a problem for me to ask for a glass of water from the kitchen.  But, when all that keeps me from it is a bum foot, it feels silly to ask.  Why don’t I just get it myself? Well, because it would take me 10 minutes to either crawl or use my crutches to get up and down and I couldn’t possibly carry a glass of water with crutches… Something about my mind isn’t associating the sprained foot as legitimate… Though, I feel more incapacitated today than yesterday because it seems I’m sore from doing too much, yesterday.  It’s so dang hard to balance my front-heavy self with an extra 30 pounds up and down from a chair or the toilet or the floor.  My arms and shoulders ache from this new activity…

Well, as I watch my husband go up and get our daughter from her nap… here we go back to the day… not that I have much to get back to… watching other people do things for me…